Hoy me escribió... ¡la viuda de Yasir Arafat!

En efecto, recibí un correo electrónico ni más ni menos que de la viuda del premio Nobel de la paz en 1994, líder histórico de la Organización para la Liberación de Palestina y durante mucho tiempo considerado por Gringolandia y el resto de "el mundo libre" un terrorista internacional y enemigo público número uno de Israel, Yasir Arafat ¡Ámonos!

Como por razones obvias resulta imposible abordar el asunto con seriedad, mejor inicio mi mensaje con un homenaje al nunca suficientemente ponderado el Santos, de Jis y Rocha:

"Estaba un día El Ruso desayunando galletas con la boca llena cuando..."

INTEROR. SALA. DÍA.

Panorámica de la sala, donde vemos al RUSO, despeinado y lagañoso, en calzones tipo boxer color gris y playera verde (a manera de piyama), sentado ante la computadora con un plato lleno de galletas de avena marca "Hobbyt" y una taza de café con leche (sin azúcar).

El CABO entra intempestivamente a cuadro por la derecha e inmediatamente comienza a hablar. Simultánemente, El RUSO se sobresalta. Se medio atraganta con una galleta de avena "Hobbyt". Tiene la boca llena de "Hobbyts".

CORTE A:

Medium Shot del CABO

CABO: ¡Ruso! ¡Te busca Arafat!

CORTE A

Medium Shot del RUSO, espantado.

RUSO (mientras termina de tragarse los "Hobbyts"): No la chingues, cabo. Arafat está muerto. ¿Me voy a morir también? ¿estaba mala la torta de pulpo de ayer? ¿Sabes algo al respecto? ¡Dime, desgraciado! ¡¿Qué acaso no ves cómo me desgarra la angustia!?

CORTE A:

Over Shoulder del RUSO, donde vemos que el CABO, mientras habla, le estira una hoja de papel al RUSO con un texto escrito, quien la toma y la lee:

CABO: Ah que mamón mi RUSO, siempre tan melodramático. Se trata de la viuda del viejito ese.

CORTE A:

Tight Shot del mensaje de la viuda de Arafat, que el RUSO está leyendo:

Hello Friend!!

I am MRS. SUHA ARAFAT, the wife of late YASSER ARAFAT, the Palestinian leader who died recently in Paris. Since his death and even prior to the announcement, I have been thrown into a state of antagonism, confusion, humiliation, frustration and hopelessness by the present leadership of the Palestinian Liberation Organization and the new Prime Minister. I have even been subjected to physical and psychological torture.

As a widow that is so traumatized, I have lost confidence with everybody in the country at the moment. You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the discovery of some fund in my husband secret bank account and companies and the allegations of some huge sums of money deposited by my husband in my name with a security and investment management company in Europe of which I have refuses to disclose or give up to the corrupt Palestine Government.

In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars. And they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life. As you know, the Muslim community has no regards for woman, more importantly when the woman is from a Christian background, hence my desire for a foreign assistance.

In one of the deposits that I refuses to disclose or give up to the corrupt Palestine Government made by my husband in my name was the sum of Eighty Million United States Dollars ($80 Million USD) he deposited in an investment firm in Europe. Since I am not very sure of getting your consent yet on the issue, I prefer not to divulge the name of the investment firm so as not to risk being traced and confiscated by the corrupt Palestine Government. Until I am sure of your consent and full cooperation to help me go to the investment firm to receive and move out the fund from their custody to unknown destination by you, then I would be happy and confident to provide you with the information of the investment firm in Europe so that you can liaise with the investment firm to obtain more information how you shall proceed for the claim of the fund.

Instead of me to disclose or give up the fund to this very corrupt administration of my Government, I would be happy to give to you 50% of the total amount provided that you would render me your full cooperation and assistance to go and meet with the investment firm on one on one on my behalf with my authorization.

Please I want you to understand the difficulties I am into at this time; I have been sanctioned not to travel out of Palestine until they have concluded investigation on me. All my business and banks accounts have been frozen by my government. If you are willing to help me for our mutual benefits, I would like to plead with you to handle all expenses that would be associated to bringing this transaction to fruition including your flight fare and hotel accommodation during your stay and meeting with the firm. I promised to refund you all your expenditures in double portion if you could handle that for me because of my incarceration and inability to raise fund at this moment.

Please note that this is a golden opportunity that comes once in lifetime and more so, if you are truthful and honest to me, I am going to entrust the management of my share of the fund into your care pending when I would be given the freedom to travel out of my country, then I would be able to meet with you.

In case you don't accept my offer, please do not let me out to the security and international media as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence. But I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith, and provide me with your full contact information (name, address, phone and fax number and your identification) for formal introduction of you to the investment firm prior before your contact with them.

Please expedite action, as I wait for your response urgently.

Sincerely yours,

Mrs. Suha Arafat.

El resto imagínenselo como quieran. Dejen volar su imaginación.